Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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