Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
