I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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