All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
