Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
