No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
