So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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