Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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