return my video game
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
