dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
