She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
