It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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