Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i came on her dog
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
