guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Why can't burritos get me drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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