everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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