I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
