I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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