And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
