i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Enjoy the penises
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
