please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
