Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
