I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
