I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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