it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
