I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I have already put on my inside pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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