hell yes lets make some ravioli
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
