Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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