it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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