i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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