I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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