Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
