so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
