I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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