What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
