apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
