happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We got so high we made milksteak
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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