Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
