We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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