I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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