I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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