So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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