You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
