McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
