I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize