I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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