nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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