Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
