at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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