Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
