I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
