dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
