And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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