it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
