are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
