I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
