There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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