Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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