I cockslap morals
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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