Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
