Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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