forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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