There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
