and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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