Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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