I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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