STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
