i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
