i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
