babies were throwing up all over the place
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
