So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
