This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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